Published: Friday, January 16, 2004 at:11:26 PM




Beach & Pool Mini Marathon

In last issue of North Soundings we challenged Bitter End visitors to become the “Ultimate Bitter End Action Guest.” If you accomplished half the activities in the daily list, you’re now ready for (and in need of) the next challenge:

The Bitter End Beach & Pool Mini Marathon.” The marathon can be approached as a daily activity (popular among wedding-weary honeymooners), or as a “just once during the week to regroup” adventure (for the type A’s). Those who’ve tackled the most strenuous versions of the B&P Marathon swear by it.

The program can be a variation on the following: Rise late, catching the end of breakfast on the Clubhouse veranda while watching the day-excursions and charter yachts depart—no rush, plenty of mimosas and tropical scenery to absorb. Champion B&P Marathoners bring the right equipment to breakfast (sunscreen, sunglasses, trashy novel, floppy hat, etc.) to avoid the strenuous stroll back to the room.

Since it’s closer, begin your marathon on the North Beach. Still tired from the night before? Cozy up on a Cabana Lounge Chair on the very private North Jetty or “Yellow Beach”—watch the adventurous souls motor out to Statia Reef for a morning snorkel—wave casually.

After knocking off six chapters of requisite spy or romance novel, chances are you’re beginning to feel a bit parched. No worries, the Almond Walk Beach, only a short tack away, features bar service right to your comfy chair, which you’ve smartly situated so you’re ankle deep in the water. Continue reading about government mis-doings, and risqué affairs (put down that New York Times and resume the novel), while occasionally glancing up at charter yacht sailors struggling with anchor chain, and sailing school students making passes at mooring balls. Sigh deeply!

The savory scent of Lobster and Crab Cakes soon wafts out of the Clubhouse Restaurant, drawing you back to your veranda chair for the lunchtime “feeding event.” Get a good seat early and linger through the closing bell, as this is prime viewing time for mooring ball roulette (the fine art of picking up a mooring, while sailing by at full speed). Muster up the energy to cheer for top performances.

Apres lunch, commit to the trek to the South Beach and pool (stopping only to take in the previous night’s game scores on CNN in the Sand Palace—more points for sitting through a Wolf Blitzer White House report). Make sure not to make eye contact with any of the ever-smiling Watersports staff along the way for fear you may end up in a Boston Whaler or a kayak, instantly disqualifying you from the B&PMM. Stopping to shop in the Reeftique, Trading Post, or Emporium is allowed, but puts you off the pace. (Boating nuts may substitute a stop at the Emporium/Pub patio for a beverage, but only if the discussion revolves around comparing the Swan 80 and Little Harbor 86 parked at the Quarterdeck Dock.)

Carry on down to the shoreside cart path. Score points by hopping aboard the next people mover going south. Disembark at South Beach, code-named “Blue Beach” for the color of the Cabana lounges found there. Park yourself in/on one of them. Re-lather sunscreen. Swim out to the diving dock? What are you kidding? Leave that to the kids. You got six more chapters to read. Score big points by drifting off to “deep rem” sleep.

Wake in time to stroll the 15 yards to the pool deck. Strip to bathing suit, making sure to order an appropriate frosty beverage (might we suggest a Bushwacker) prior to cooling your now bronzing skin in the pool. Swim the nifty underwater hand-painted lap a few times? You’re kidding again. More points for soaking in the shallow end or on the steps, particularly now that your drink has been delivered! Observe new friends returning from scuba dive trip to the wreck of the Rhone. Ask how day was. When queried about how your day was, respond “just as much fun as yours.” You’ve just completed a B&P Mini Marathon! Congratulations. It’s not as exhausting as it sounds. Give it a try!